Miranda Hutchinson, president and CEO of TLC network, finally admitted today in a press conference how her programming choices have become almost fully dictated by her two secret obsessions in life: little people and sugar.
Critics have suspected for the past several years that Hutchinson had ulterior motives as a trend seemed to present itself on the daily schedule.
“When ‘Little People, Big World’ first aired, I don’t think anyone suspected much,” TV analyst Martin Hefner said. “But then ‘The Little Couple’ came on and people started to wonder a bit.”
Hutchinson was practically forced to admit her preoccupations after the addition of “Little Chocolatiers,” featuring the daily lives of two married little people who run a confectionery shop in Salt Lake City. (Really.) However, she added that the new show also combined the best of her other addiction.
“It’s true: I love little people and big desserts,” she said during the conference held at TLC’s main offices. She then launched into a long, almost rambling mental history, including how she used to estimate the height of department store Santa’s helpers as a child and once spent an entire day at Disney World riding the “It’s a Small World” attraction 27 times.
“It sort of all crept on me as I continued making choices at the network,” Hutchinson said. “First I put on wedding shows because they usually have cakes at the end. And then shows like ‘Jon and Kate Plus 8′ and ’18 Kids and Counting’ were enough for a while because, even though they didn’t feature official little people, they had small children in massive enough doses that I could sometimes imagine. ‘Toddlers & Tiaras,’ the show about the Little Miss beauty contestant pageants, was even better since the parents all dress their kids like 30-year-old Avon ladies.
“After scoring ‘Ultimate Cake-Off’ and ‘Cake Boss,’ I thought I had finally built an empire of shows to satiate my entertainment desires, but it just wasn’t enough! As soon as I learned there was a chocolate shop run by little people in Utah, I immediately ordered 2,000 shows! …And that’s when I finally realized I went too far.”
“Little Chocolatiers” is now slated to run until 2099, a move Hutchinson has called, “rather silly” in retrospect. She said she promises to better diversify TLC’s lineup in the future with shows big people making little cakes (“Cupcake Giants”), pushy parents who live vicariously through their children by entering them in baking contests (“EZ-Bake Lovin’”) and an as-of-yet unnamed reality show centered around Poppin’ Fresh, the Pillsbury Dough Boy.
TLC, when last checked, stands for “The Learning Channel.”