With the unfortunate passing of Rue McLanahan, resurging celebrity phenomenon Betty White has secured her standing with the gods as the immortal figurehead of classic television’s The Golden Girls.
The gods have been in deliberation for some time, forced to choose between four pure icons of winter-years goodness and hilarity. The painful elimination process began in 2008, when Estelle Getty was whisked away by valkyries to her seat of honor in retirement Valhalla. Bea Arthur was similarly-yet-controversially removed from the mortal coil in 2009, leaving “the kindhearted-yet-ditzy” and “skanky Southern belle” archtypes in play.
It is impossible to know why the gods passed judgment as they did, but some believe it may have had to do with the uncovering of McLanahan’s performance as a stripper in Walk the Angry Beach, aka Hollywood After Dark, recently ridiculed by the guys from Mystery Science Theater 3000. However, this should not be a judgment of the refinement of McLanahan in her later years, many argue, and that, after all, White has played a bat-crap insane murderess in approximately a bazillion movies and television series since her greatest moments.
White will forever carry the spirits of those who left before her and remain with us as the incarnation of good friends, good lives and good cheesecake, from a show that no one can admit despising regardless of age, race, gender, religion or sexual preference–until either the gods jealously decide to keep her for themselves or some evil being succeeds in slicing off her head.
The cast of Sex and the City approached the gods asking whether they would be similarly honored in their old age. The gods’ laughter can still be heard thundering over the globe at the time of this publication.