Some athletes come in 200 mph metal packaging

The Associated Press’s (AP) decisions for Male and Female Athlete of the Year are in. Voting for the awards is conducted through a number of news outlets that are part of the AP. If it works in other places like it does at my newspaper, you one day find a voting form lying on your desk and check a few boxes before handing it back in and getting back to important matters such as waiting for the co-worker on Donut Run to return.

Four-time NASCAR Sprint Cup winner Jimmie Johnson is this year’s top male athlete, making history as the first person to receive the award by sitting on his butt the entire time. Gary Kasparov and wheelchair rugby players have formally filed protest.

Tennis star Serena Williams earned Female Athelete of Year through her superior skills with a tennis ball and where she has threatened to shove it should you disagree with her.

Recent events have obviously shaken up the Athlete of the Year choices this year, which have perenially gone to “Tiger Woods” and “Tiger Woods if He Ever Got Gender Realignment Surgery and Came Back as Tigress Woods.”