I am entering into a new sport/talent: birth prognostication.

A friend is expecting her first child sometime this month. I consider it a great month for such work, as it is the same exact one my mom chose to bring me into the world. So you could say I’ve taken a bit more interest in this blessed event more than others — so much that I have wagered with my friend that her child will be born the same day I was: Nov. 15.

I have presented her with simple stakes: If the child is born on Nov. 15, I get to name it! Now, the mother-to-be and her husband have chosen not to know what gender the baby will be, so I must have two choices ready. If it is a boy, I will, of course, name it Tim. If, however, it is a girl, I have magnanimously elected to compromise: it shall be named Girltim.

It’s a very thrilling bet that I think adds a bit of spice to the “done already” feat of bringing new life into the world, and it would be… if the mother-to-be would ever agree to it. Unfortunately, she has not, giving the excuse that her husband “hates the name Tim.” Aside from this fact being completely heartbreaking, I have to wonder just what the heck his whole business is with this matter, anyway. Just because you’re part of the car assemblyline doesn’t mean you get to name the model. A proper wager between two individuals should be kept as such, even if one of the individuals is carrying a tinier individual inside her.

Hence, I call out to the readership: Are you having or planning to have a child in the near future? Would you like to wager the name of said child or potential child on a stranger from the internet? Please don’t be afraid; take the plunge and place your bets!

What else am I going to do with all these “It’s a Girltim!” cigars…?