I wish to apologize to the pilots of Northwest Flight 188 for all but accusing them of overshooting the Minneapolis airport by 150 miles because they were sleeping in the cockpit. It turns out they were not sleeping at all, but actually fiddling around on their personal laptops.

I know the campaign to get Paranormal Activity to go nationwide was very engrossing, or that Microsoft Flight Simulator has become so advanced that if you were simulating landing a plane in Minneapolis, you might be fooled into thinking you were doing your job, so I can’t really blame these professional pilots for losing track of minutiae such as the instrument array, consistent hails from the tower, or an airport.

Northwest has issued $500 vouchers to passengers in compensation for the mistakes that occurred. I would ask for that in cash and put it toward whatever awesome, world-consuming computers the pilots had. They seem to be the only thing in this case you can be assured will function well.

(Just when you think it can’t get scarier, laptops become the new giant cell phone…)

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