Bentley

Hackers have no creativity; no sense of casing marks or organizing capers or any other terms that sound all cool and old-timey thievish. They just smash and grab whatever individual’s info they can and go on a spree with fraudulent credit cards until the gig is up. Where’s the class in that? It doesn’t even register an Ocean’s 3 on the Ocean’s 13 Heist Grandiosity Scale.

Case in point: Hackers recently compromised personal information at The Guardian’s jobs site. Robin Hoods these people are obviously not.

If you’re going to take advantage of a bunch of likely jobless people, at least give it some time and pseudo-good guy panache. Steal the info, sure, but then use it to mass apply to tons of jobs. Your victims will wake up someday to all of these opportunities mysteriously pouring in, finally find the one of their dreams, regain financial stability, buy a house, meet that perfect spouse, have a few kids and finally find a ray of contentment in a very dark, disappointing world. Then you rob them! Get enough richer people out there and the credit companies will increase their spending limits. How can you lose?

Or better yet, why not help the employment situation out there as a whole and actually employ these people yourselves? It can’t be easy keeping up with the latest Nigerian Widow Lottery scams out there on your own. There are plenty of people out there willing to compromise (i.e. desperate) and will turn a blind eye to the fact that you’re robbing Peter as long as they’re the Paul who gets paid.

See what I mean, though? You spend all this time learning your compu-mumbo-jumbo only to do the equivalent of smacking someone over the head with a virtual blackjack and raiding their pockets. If you’re going to be thieves, at least make your marks feel like they just got exploited by someone who cares about them. It’s what George Clooney would do.

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