Reviews are rolling in: the swine flu vaccine is the “must-have” shot of the season!
“The adverse effects are minimal. … We know it’s safe and secure. … This is definitely a safe vaccine for people to get,” raves Health and Human Services Secretary Kathleen Sebelius.
Unlike previous flu seasons, whose marketing focused more on the elderly and frail, the H1N1 “swine” flu has been declared a “younger,” hipper virus that has been spreading like wildfire through simple schoolyard word-of-mouth. The vaccines, available in both nasal and innoculatory forms, have been consumed by kids like snortable, injectable hotcakes.
“It’s the best thing I’ve ever had stuck up my nose!” said Billy, 11, of Peoria, Ill.
For parents afraid of the mad rush for these hot accesories, critics say not to fret; the vaccine–like the Nintendo Wii–should be in plentiful stock by the time the holidays roll around.
“”There’s going to be plenty of vaccine,” Sebellius said. “It’s rolling off the production lines right now … ahead of schedule, and that’s good news… By the end of October we should have a substantial amount available and begin to vaccinate a wider population of folks.”
The virus also appears to have a long tail to it, resulting in a potential for vaccine to remain “cool” even after Christmas.
“It’s too soon to say it’s too late because we don’t know what the rest of the season will bring,” said Dr. Thomas Frieden, director of the CDC, before blinking and asking to be reread what he just said.
(Please, people: get your flu shots!)